Anacondas - The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

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There Be Snakes, B-I-G Snakes!, 2008-11-04
Although your skin may crawl at the sight of giant snakes in director Dwight H. Little's new movie "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid," this shallow, uneven, in-name-only sequel to "Anaconda" (1997), with an unknown cast leaves a lot to be desired as a blood-curdling creature feature. Whereas "Anaconda" with Jennifer Lopez pitted our protagonists against a pair of predatory anacondas, "Anacondas" raises the stakes considerably with dozens of dinosaur-sized anacondas surrounding our heroes in the middle of anaconda mating season. The quiet moments stand out as the eeriest in this suspenseful but anti-climatic thriller. As our intrepid heroes wade through the watery reaches of the jungle, the camera hovers overhead to give audiences a bird's eye view of the characters sloshing along blissfully unaware of the humongous coils of an anaconda as it glides silently underwater around them without creating a ripple on the surface. "Anacondas" doesn't get any better than this elaborately-staged long shot. Unfortunately, a slipshod screenplay credited to four writers and second-rate, computer-generated, special effects shots of the reptiles rips the fangs out of "Anacondas." Mind you, the original "Anaconda" suffered from shoddy special effects snake shots, too, but the name brand cast more than compensated for the cheesy snakes, especially Jennifer Lopez in a wet tank top and Jon Voight as a hammy villain. While "Anaconda's" anacondas switched between the spurious CGI snakes in the long shots and believable animatronic puppets in the close-ups, the snakes in "Anacondas" are totally computer generated and appear anything but intimidating. Incredibly, the two snakes in "Anaconda" possessed more personality than the unknown number of synthetic anacondas slithering around in "Anacondas" with nothing to distinguish one snake from another. Scenarists John Claflin and Daniel Zelman of TV's "They Nest' and Michael Miner and Edward Neumeier of "RoboCop" do a poor job of laying out the ground rules in this battle between humans and snakes. One minute we're told anacondas with a man-sized snack in their bellies lay off hunting, then the next minute we learn that these giant, Alaskan pipeline-sized anacondas chuck up their victims then continue to hunt. The first-half of this lean, efficient, but predictable 97-minute, PG-13-rated serpent saga succeeds in setting up our heroes' objectives and obstacles. The second-half doesn't pay off the creepy suspense, however, with enough spine-tingling scenes of snakes making supper out of humans. br / br /A scientific expedition of multi-racial, stereotypical characters led by an urbane British scientist, Dr. Jack Byron (Matthew Marsden of "Black Hawk Down"), and his entrepreneurial right-hand man Gordon Mitchell (Morris Chestnut of "Half-Past Dead") plunge into the wild jungles of Borneo to retrieve a rare bloom, the Blood Orchid, that they plan to use to manufacture the "pharmaceutical equivalent of the fountain of youth." The corporate CEO's eyes light up when Mitchell predicts, "It'll be bigger than Viagra!" Unluckily, this unusual flower blossoms only once every seven years, and they are in the middle of the two-week blooming season when Byron and Mitchell launch their expedition. Director Dwight Little and his quartet of scenarists do an effective job of setting the plot into motion and saddling our heroes with problems galore. Anyway, when our heroes arrive in Borneo, the rainy season sets in, and nobody wants to ferry them into the rain-swollen jungle. Byron and Mitchell find an American expatriate, Bill Johnson (virile Johnny Messner of "Operation Delta Force 4: Deep Fault"), with a barge who will accommodate them if they can pay him $25-thousand dollars. One look at Johnson's ramshackle boat, and you'd swear you stumbled onto "The African Queen." During the scenic trip down river, pharmaceutical big-wig Gail Stern (Salli Richardson of "Biker Boyz") falls overboard and a ravenous crocodile attacks her. Johnson's Tarzan-style fight with the croc qualifies as the most exciting action sequence in the entire movie. Later, Johnson's boat is caught in an undercurrent and pulled over a waterfall. Little gets more mileage out of Johnson's boat crashing over the waterfall than he does in the struggle with the snakes. Of course, while all this is going on, the anacondas circle, flickering their tongues in anticipation. Set afoot with no weapons and a slim chance of survival, our woebegone heroes must brave the jungle and hope they don't get eaten. Along the way, they discover to their horror that the diabolical anacondas have been feeding on the Blood Orchid and the flower has made their monster-sized man-eaters. br / br /Although "Anacondas" takes place in Borneo, Borneo has no anacondas, only pythons. In other words, Little and his four writers have exercised considerable dramatic license in piecing together this half-baked, herpetological hokum. Again, the second half finds our heroes trying to elude the snakes after they turn against each other over whether they should still try to retrieve the Orchid. Cinematically, the snakes lack menace, and they strike so swiftly that they appear cartoonish, undercutting the dramatic impact of the death scenes. The writers never reveal how many snakes that our heroes are up against, so we have no idea if they are whittling down the opposition. A minor surprise or two with regard to who gets chomped first and who escapes being snake bait cannot redeem the uninspired last half-hour. The MPPA PG-13 rating clearly takes a toll on the snake munching scenes. Despite the erratic plotting and the poor SPFX, veteran director Dwight H. Little (whose screen credits include "Halloween 4," "Free Willy 2," "Rapid Fire," "Marked For Death," and "Murder At 1600") delivers lots of mild jolts and atmospheric moments. Anybody who reacts to the least provocation of terror will find the presence of a small monkey in the cast particularly troubling. Like a cat in a haunted house, this screaming monkey jumps into somebody's lap when they least suspect it and all hell breaks loose momentarily. Altogether, a fair potboiler from start to finish, "Anacondas" fails to pay-off an enthralling first half with its counterfeit snakes and its formulaic plot. br / br /

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The worst snake movie ever created since "Rattled", 2008-10-22
OK, this was the worst movie about a giant snake/snakes I'd ever seen. And the worst movie about snakes I'd ever seen since "Rattled". The Anaconda's in this movie aren't that mean looking and you never really even see them squeeze anything to death and swallow anything whole. So it does not surprise me that people are trying to sell this movie for one cent on this web site. And I can't even believe the idiot who made this film was able to create a sequel.

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Really good jungle adventure, 2008-10-05
The title of 2004's "Anacondas -- The Hunt for the Blood Orchid" pretty much tells you what type of film it is -- a nature-runs-amok flick in the manner of "Jaws" or "King Kong." It goes without saying, don't expect "Citizen Kane." br / br /THE STORY: An American Company discovers evidence that the blood orchid can cure aging death and sends out a team to Borneo to get samples, expecting to make zillions. Unfortunately it's the rain season and the team can only enlist a dubious captain with a shakey boat to take 'em up river, not to mention they run into myriad anacondas that are oversized due to the blood orchid. br / br /The film runs 91 minutes before the credits role and for the first hour this is jungle adventure of the highest order. br / br /What makes it "jungle adventure of the highest order"? br / br /-- The vibe is serious rather than campy; although the story is not believable, the material is presented in a realistic manner. br / br /-- There are quite a few truly thrilling scenes, like when the boat goes over a waterfall. br / br /-- The story has the spirit of jungle films like Tarzan and King Kong (minus the goofy overkill of Peter Jackson's 2005 version). br / br /-- The team is multi-ethnic with a good assortment of characters -- likable (the boat captain and the blond), unlikable (the Latino girl and the Brit), funny (the secondary black dude) and everything inbetween. br / br /-- The boat captain, Bill Johnson played by Johnny Messner, is a really good heroic protagonist in the manner of, say, Tarzan (albeit not quite as superhero-ish). br / br /-- The film was shot in Figi with exteriors in New Zealand (the waterfall) and therefore has an authentic jungle vibe -- fantastic locations, to say the least. br / br /Unfortunately at the hour mark the film takes a downward turn and somewhat loses it's captivating appeal. The final 30 minutes take place in the rain at night and it's often hard to see what's going on; also some of the characters start doing things that come off contrived rather than believable. br / br /Another negative is that neither of the women are very attractive. The Latino initially comes off as a witch with a capital 'B' but later redeems herself (slightly) and the blond, although certainly likable, comes off completely bland. And neither are truly babe-licious (which makes the story more believable, I guess). br / br /BOTTOM LINE: If you're in the mood for jungle adventure in the spirit of Tarzan, King Kong, Rambo and Apocalypse Now you can't go wrong with "Anacondas -- The Hunt for the Blood Orchid." I enjoyed it way more than the first one (1997's "Anaconda"). Pay no attention to the overly critical negative reviews; this is a really good jungle adventure flick. How is it that "Anacondas" gets ridiculously panned while Peter Jackson's overrated version of King Kong is hailed as a 'masterpiece'? Please. br / br /PERSONAL RATING: B+

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Yeah, this is a dumb, mindless movie with super-bad acting, 2008-09-13
When you watch the opening scenes of these bogus scientists (Matthew Marsden is one of them) who have no idea of what they're talking about, you'll know that whoever put this together was on a limited budget and had to deal with actors who seemed like they were reading off a script. The "Guide" (Johnny Messner) was your stereotypical tough-talking macho jerk......anyway, the lines these people spout out are from so many bad "adventure/horror films" of the past. He even wrestles and alligator...or was it a crocodile? br / br /You may not be able to get past the initial scenes of these "clowns" heading up or down river; especially when mister boat captain has his stupid little monkey on his shoulder. br / br /To save you the misery of watching this bit of tripe, just imagine some low-quality actors hired to do their first and possibly last movie (with the exception of Messner - "Running Scared"). Then you'll understand why 213 these DVD's are selling for $0.01 - can't get rid of this movie fast enough. br / br /"Anaconda" and "Snakes On A Plane" were more entertaining than this "mirror." I say mirror, because if you buy this DVD, that's all the use you'll be getting from it. Hope you make it through this movie. I lasted only 32 minutes before I went off and did something more constructive with my life. I finished watching it when I got the flu, and was totally nauseated - kind of went with the movie. br / br /

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Very Good Sequel to the First, 2008-05-23
This 2000s sequel to the original film of the 1990s its very fun to watch, especially the first time. Although the film has many geagraphical inaccuracies like Borneo being home to giant Anacondas, tigers, and other things it delivers as what it is. There are more action sequences, and good CGI. Although most people do not know, two more sequels are in production for a 2008 release but many people will not like this: they will not be released in the theathers and I'm not going to bother mentioning where (Just remember Lake Placid 2).